Author Archives: Carrie Spencer

Re-member-ing

Re-member-ing

The primordial mother speaks, a billowing ghostly veil, calls me forth and rushes me across oceans back to the crumbling stone temples.

“See what you must see here. Truth be revealed. Creation and destruction are of your making and at your will, backed by my forces. This is the form and formless dance, the death, the life, and the resurrection. You are the masterpiece. Wondering what you are to create in this life daughter? I say it is you! You are the on that I have been waiting for. Die now and come to me so that I can remake you fashioned to best behold my beauty. Daughter, Goddess remember who you are. A living intelligent being of creation prickling with the desire yearning for the deep well of your womb to be plumbed and swum through like an explorer set out to sail across unknown seas and uncharted waters. A mystery to seek and to never quite be known. You are the place the brightest stars and ocean’s darkest depths meet. This is you Daughter Goddess, no more, no less.”

“You must remember now, you must awaken from your sleepy submission, thinking you could have power riding the coattails of men! Ha! You MUST awaken, take off your blinders girl, shatter this box of patriarchal illusion. You have forgotten, but so have they, and this will be your rise and their demise! Don’t you remember, You were there, a river raging, a desert storm blowing in a heat that seared the eyes of those that tried to behold you.   You must take back your power for there are those that which to manipulate you, confuse you, make you doubt yourself and strip you of your power. These men have taken mercilessly, until they themselves have forgotten who you are and the power you hold. Remember daughter. Remember who you are. Coax out your anger like you would draw out an exotic beast gone extinct long ago. She is waiting to be resurrected. She is wanting. Speak now the fire from your heart-womb and drip blood upon the blade. A murderess, a priestess, a seductress, a lover, behold her fury and her love. Summoning the seed of life into her body, if this is what she chooses. Tongue out wild with pain you see with a thousand eyes and death and life are yours. Blood runs from between your legs, another moon another choice to cast out the Hope of Life within you or to summon the Seed of Life deep into your body to create the next new world. The power is you, the power of the oracle, the channel. Your voice a fire of words that scorches the forest and cast ferocity and fresh greens upon its ash. They will feel you and they will know that you are my daughter, Goddess, this is you, no more, no less.”

“Nuturer, big bountiful breasted beauty. Surrender and pour forth the milky galaxy from your boundless heart, giving birth to another life, then another, and another, and another….. Feed the delicate membranes that weave circuits of pain and pleasure, of joy and madness, of grief and forgiveness. Another wave, another contraction, cells cracking, splitting open, dividing, multiplying. Infinite lives within you, Mother. Infinite possibilities. What you feel, what you imagine, You create! Gather yourself, your moon blood, concentrate now, this is important. Summon strength from the sinew of the Father. Gather joy from the daisy flowers, gather celebration from the rainbows and the gospel dancers. Gather wisdom from ancient stars and forgotten stories. Gather and gather and then follow seed and trace the line to your belly. Cry out an endless seemless cry, Birth the new world. This is you, my daughter Goddess, no more, no less.”

 

 

 

 

A Hundred Thousand Petals

A Hundred Thousand Petals

 Once, I was duped

By an old tale of betrayal.

In a spell of blinded black magic

I had cast, unknowingly upon myself.

I believed myself to be a victim

And that I was right in believing I was wronged.

And for sure, it was painful

Ensnaring myself inside a heartless cage,

I felt alone and cold in a frozen winter

That seemed to never cease.

In my bitterness,

I turned my back and tossed away the key.

Until the day came when a whisper caught on the wind

And I realized I had only been betraying myself.

I gave up my attachment to this Tale of the Victim

And Let Go.

 

No, no longer do I feel trapped,

For it was the Goddess who had come in the dark of night

And she has spoken and shown me a pathway

Through the brambles of my pain and grief.

It’s luminous trail tended to by the awakened women

Who serve Her.

Their bare shoulders and long delicate fingers

Wave to me and coax me down the path.

My body singing with delight

As I am led into the warm bathing pool

At the temple of Aphrodite.  

Scents of lilacs and roses perfume the air,

Intoxicating the senses,

I feel my desire rising,

Still I feel safe and held in love.

My heart opens ever wider.

I feel free to love and receive love.

Yes, I know I walk in truth,

For I have found my way to the Garden of the Goddess.

The lotus flower in my heart breathes

A long deserved sigh and opens,

Expanding infinitely,

I surrender fully.

As if falling in a dream,

Yet ecstatically awake,

A hundred thousand lotus petals

Unfold before me.

 

A hundred thousand petals floating upon the sacred Waters.

       A hundred thousand petals caught by the breath of the        

       Wind.

       A hundred thousand petals ground into the humus of

       Gaia.

       A hundred thousand petals burning in the flame of my

       Heart.

 

       I feel Her close to me,

Her breath awakens the tendrils of hair upon my neck.

       “At last you have surrendered to me in totality”, the Goddess whispers.

“Are you ready to surrender again, a hundred thousand times over? For this is what I ask of you.”

 

 

      

 

Waters of Awareness

I have surrendered.
I have truly let go.
I sink deep down into the water.
Looking up through the fluid scape of light and shadow,
I watch my life pass before me as I sink
deeper and deeper beneath the cold lake.
I see my husband and children pass before me.
Everyone I love is dead and gone.
What more is there for me?
I am ready to die.
And so, I slip beneath the silvery blue waters,
merging into the blackness
until the last of the bubbles escape my lips.
I dissolve right back into the primordial soup of creation.
Right back onto God’s black canvas-
The ultimate and ever-changing masterpiece of evolution.
Once again the “I” becomes one with infinite wisdom
Of everything, everywhere.
Boundless,
I am freed from the cage that was the body!
“I” is nowhere to be found,
Undulating in the waves of the velvety black ocean.
“I” rests in the contiguous continuum of awareness once again.
Resonance, vibration, wave upon endless wave
Rolling through infinite space and time,
Lulling the senses,
And pulling any sense of self deeper into the void.
Lost… sleepy… drifting…
Like old beechwood upon the water.
A murmur beckons from beyond,
A feeling like drumming at the gates at the edge of awareness.
Is it my own voice I hear singing, or that of a sparrow?
It is my own, and the knocking is my heart beating inside my chest.
My body feels like I’ve been washed up to shore after weeks on the ocean.
A little tired, a little thirsty and weak, but no worse for the wear.
The sun a blazing God in the sky.
I squint these eyes, they feel like watery globes playing tricks on me.
But I can see!
And I can taste the salty residue on my lips,
And I , and I , and I….
I was once, no,  I am still awareness peering out of from beyond this from.
A play of formless dancing within this vessel.
I am, and awareness is living in me.
If I do a cartwheel in the sand, what does awareness feel?
A swirling kaleidoscope of
JOY!
If I listen to the mountains sing, what does awareness feel?
A Vibration of chords,
The ancient’s never-ending crescendo of
SPLENDOR and MAJESTY!
This is life living through my choices.
This is living embodied awareness.
This is dying for the sake of dying.
And living for the sake of living.
Carrie Spencer,  September 2017

How To Relax During a Massage Session

image-craniosacralRelaxation. It’s one of the main reasons people see a massage therapist, and it’s one of massage’s most well-known and scientifically proven benefits. But for some people, it can be difficult to relax during a massage.

There may be many reasons why your body doesn’t want to get with the relaxation program, but here are a few of the most common reasons.

  • Day-to-Day Stress- Normal work related stress can prevent you from enjoying your massage if you have trouble clearing your mind during your time on the table. And if your mind is preoccupied about some big event that’s looming on the calendar—a deadline, a meeting or travel plans, for instance, it may be hard to release those thoughts in order to relax into your massage.
  • Unfamiliarity- If this is your first massage or your first session with a new therapist, it is natural to have a little nervousness. After all, you are treading into unfamiliar territory with someone you know little about. Don’t be hard on yourself if this sort of nervousness arises for you.
  • Body Image Concerns- Many people worry about exposing what they perceive as physical flaws in the therapeutic setting. Things like varicose veins, unshaven legs, acne, and extra body fat can cause some so much anxiety that they can’t seem to fully relax. If you have body image related concerns, know that you are not alone, and don’t let these worries keep you from enjoying the benefits of massage!

If you are one of these clients who just can’t seem to relax during a massage session, here are some tips that may help.

  1. Teach yourself a simple breathing exercise to help release stressful thoughts and allow your body and mind to fully relax. Start the breathing exercise the minute you get situated on the table or mat—even before the massage session begins. The sooner you clear your mind, the more benefit you will get from your massage.
  2. It can be very nice to get a massage during your lunch hour, but it may be easier to relax at the end of the day, so that you don’t have to anticipate going back to work. Instead, you can go home and extend your relaxation time with a bath, a book, or a nice, leisurely walk.
  3. If body-image concerns are what is keeping you from relaxing, rest assured that you are not the first body your therapist has seen, nor will you be the last. No body is perfect, but every body deserves respectful, caring touch in the therapeutic environment. Your massage therapist is not judging your flaws or cataloging your physical attributes. He or she is there to help you enjoy greater health and well-being.
  4. If you are receiving Thai massage, be sure to wear comfortable clothing. It can be hard to relax in work clothing or jeans. If you are getting a table massage, be sure to have a set of comfortable clothes to change into after your session so that your relaxation can continue after you leave.
  5. If undesired thoughts keep popping up during your massage, try repeating a mantra to yourself to refocus your attention on the relaxing, health-giving massage you are receiving. It can be as simple as “I am relaxing”, or you might count to one hundred in your head.
  6. Keep your eyes closed. It is the job of our eyes to take note of everything that is going on visually in our environment. During a massage, you don’t want all of that visual data interfering with your experience, so keep your eyes closed to get the full benefit from your massage session.
  7. If the temperature in the massage room is too warm or cold for you, it can be hard to relax. If that is the case, don’t be afraid to let your therapist know that you are uncomfortable.
  8. Make sure you arrive to your massage appointment having eaten something (but not a heavy meal), and you are adequately hydrated before the session begins. A growling or overfull stomach can make it really hard to relax.

Give these suggestions a try! We hope they help you to achieve deeper relaxation and fuller enjoyment of your massage session!